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Mainstream media's dictionary: Letter D

Darwin, charles. Noun. Bearded man most hated by bearded men.
Last modified: 8 Jul 2011 00:00

darling. n. 

Last known positive description, after ally, to describe third world leader before we start using strongman, dictator.

Darwin, charles. n.

Bearded man most hated by bearded men.

dead. n.

See newsworthy.

debate. n. 

Enjoyable, if somewhat heated political game played by both blue and red wings of the business party in the United States. Most journalists capable of reading the thoughts of debaters.

defiant. adj.

Use this word to describe any speech by dictator. Content needn’t be noted.

dehumanising. v. tr.

Effects of militia attack that killed the child, not exacerbated by the journalists who require the grieving eyewitness mother to describe the ordeal (preferably with tears) in a thirty second soundbite. If it’s over thirty seconds, get her to do it again until she gets it right.

democracy. n.

See holy grail.

democratise. v. tr.

Nation state’s march towards enlightenment. Helped by addition of McDonald’s franchises.

dictator. n.

Third world leader who either massacres his own people or dares use natural resources for social projects. See regime change.

diplomat. n.

Politician who, at a young age, perfected the coercive art of saying, “But I love you,” defusing awkwardness and maximising success during back-seat teenage fumbling sessions. Carried this art into national service.

disaster. n.

Conflict and catastrophe-free 24 hour news cycle.

director (studio). n.

Often-gifted, TV control room decision-maker. Prone to hysteria when disaster hits. Capable of exhibiting God-complex. 

disinformation. n. 

The other channel.

dominant culture. n. 


Dominique Strauss-Kahn. n.

Former head of organisation accused by anti-capitalists of aggressively imposing will on the poor and desperate.

doubt. v. not a virtue. Everything we say is the truth. Believe it.

drones. n.

Angels of mercy who keep our troops out of harms way and spread the bombs of freedom.